Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
