I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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