I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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