Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So here I am, sexting at work.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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