when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
