and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
