soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
