the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize