so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
