so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
