I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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