Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
