it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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