you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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