so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
