a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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