i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
