Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
