I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
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The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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