Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
