What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
