i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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