Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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