my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The best revenge is premature balding
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
