her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
