i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
