im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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