I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
