I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
