I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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