Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
