Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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