if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
