Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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