The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
