Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
