I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
