i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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