I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I want is dick and wine.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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