I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
