And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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