Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
