Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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