Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
