If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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