dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
