the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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