She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
