I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How external is "for external use only"?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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