dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
