I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
