So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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