My sheets look like a crime scene.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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