Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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