You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
