On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
