I just saw a hot homeless man
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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