Yo dont text me then not text me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
