You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
