And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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