get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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