the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
