I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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