I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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